Empty nest syndrome is a sense of loss, feeling of melancholy or loneliness that parents may experience when their children move out of the family home to go to college or live on their own. It is not a clinical condition.1
What does it mean to have an empty nest? Once children leave home, parents experience sadness and worry for the young adults. The feelings can be confusing and surprising because they may conflict with the parents’ pride of the children’s accomplishments.2
The empty nest stage of life is typically a brief phase for parents, lasting a few short months. Parents can transition from the empty nest emotions as they find new ways to stay connected to their children, while reconnecting to their own interests, friends and activities.3
Symptoms and effects of empty nest syndrome
While any parent may experience empty nest syndrome, there are people who may have a higher risk of developing separation anxiety, feelings of loneliness or even depression, including:4
- Mothers.
- Single parents.
- Parents of only children.
- Parents who had their children at a younger age.
- Those worried about their children’s safety.
- People in unhappy or unstable marriages.
- People without an established social network.
Parents may experience these symptoms of empty nest syndrome:5
- Deep sadness or depression.
- A sense of loss of purpose and positive contribution.
- Feelings of rejection.
- Worry or uneasiness.
- Stress, anxiety or fear for the child’s welfare.
Mothers and fathers may be surprised and unprepared for the emotional transition that comes with children leaving home. Parents who experience empty nest syndrome may wonder if they did enough to adequately prepare their children to live as independent adults. Both mothers and fathers have expressed feeling guilty because they weren’t more involved in their children’s lives before they left home.6
Adjusting to an empty nest
Coping with empty nest syndrome starts with parents staying connected with their children.7 With technological developments such as cell phones, text messaging and video chats, as well as social media, parents have more communication channels than ever before to keep in touch with their children.
Tips for parents adjusting to an empty nest:8
- Take time to grieve the loss of children living at home. Acknowledge that parents may miss the day-to-day interactions – even cooking, cleaning and driving children to activities.
- Check in while allowing children to be independent. Be in touch regularly, including planning visits and scheduling phone calls, emails and traditional mail. But be understanding if children don’t return calls immediately or aren’t available as frequently since they are likely exploring and experiencing new adventures.
- Increase involvement in the community. Use the newly found free time to volunteer for a cause, take a class, join a book club, supper club, etc.
- Invest in a new hobby or interest. Reignite a passion for travel, photography or other interests and try a new hobby.
- Reconnect with a spouse/partner, other family members and friends. Make time to get together with other loved ones and enjoy other people’s company.
- Prioritize personal care. After focusing on children’s health and well-being for many years, parents can make themselves a priority, including eating healthy, exercising, getting enough sleep, etc.
Parents may not expect the conflicting emotions of pride for the child growing up, alongside the feelings of lost identity as the child’s caregiver. A mother or father can take comfort knowing the parental role has changed but hasn’t ended.9 Parents may consider a new career or take on new responsibilities at work since they may have less constraints on their time, energy and focus.10
Preparing for an empty nest
Parents are advised to begin preparing for an empty nest before the child leaves home.
Here’s a list of proactive steps:11
- Take stock of current roles besides parenting. Explore the multifaceted nature of a person’s identity as a spouse, child, sibling, friend, employee, volunteer, etc.
- Identify which roles to expand. This may be an ideal time to focus on a career path or learn new skills. If married, rekindle the romance with the spouse or, if single, start dating. Invest time in friendships or other family members.
- Explore new interests. Revisit past hobbies or try new activities. Join meetups, clubs and local chapters of virtual communities. Volunteer with a nonprofit and participate in community events.
- Start new adventures now. Before children leave home, begin to get together with friends, join a gym or new exercise program, sign up for a class, etc.
Focusing on the positives of an empty nest
While the transition may be challenging, having an empty nest may bring benefits to parents. Recent studies suggest an empty nest may reduce work and family conflicts.12 Having an empty nest and newfound time gives parents the opportunity to focus on other priorities – such as work and other relationships – as well as rekindle interests.
Parents report an empty nest positively impacts their lives after their children leave home. For example, parents may experience the following benefits:13
- Increased freedom.
- Less stress.
- Enhanced relationship with their spouse.
- More opportunities to pursue their own goals.
- Sense of pride and happiness for their children’s success.
- Better relationships with their children.
- Improved relationships with the parents’ own siblings.
When to seek help with empty nest syndrome
Parents who may be experiencing extreme emotions because of empty nest syndrome for more than 2 weeks are advised to seek support from a healthcare provider.
Symptoms of depression include:14
- Feeling sad or inconsolable.
- Oversleeping for hours or lack of sleep.
- Declining interest in activities that were once enjoyed.
- Lacking energy or tiredness.
- Feeling guilty or worthless.
- Losing concentration or inability to make decisions.
- Thinking about death or suicide.
If the parent is contemplating self-harm, they are advised to get help immediately.
By following these tips for coping with an empty nest, parents may be better prepared when their children leave home.
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Sources:
1“Empty nest syndrome,” Wikipedia, last accessed October 12, 2023,
2“How to Manage Empty Nest Syndrome,” WebMD, last accessed October 12, 2023,
3“How to Manage Empty Nest Syndrome.”
4“How to Manage Empty Nest Syndrome.”
5“Empty nest syndrome.”
6“Empty nest syndrome.”
7“Empty nest syndrome.”
8Samantha Stein, “How to Cope With an Empty Nest,” Psychology Today, last accessed October 12, 2023,
9“How to Manage Empty Nest Syndrome.”
10“How to Manage Empty Nest Syndrome.”
11“How to Manage Empty Nest Syndrome.”
12“Tips for enjoying your empty nest,” Mayo Clinic, last accessed October 12, 2023,
13“How to Manage Empty Nest Syndrome.”
14“How to Manage Empty Nest Syndrome.”
This information is provided for educational purposes only. It is not to be used for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Consult your healthcare provider if you have questions or concerns.
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